We've recently had Duncan and others beat up on Internet dating. The people you meet are shallow liars, etc., etc. Today, we hear from some who've had success.
MARK: I'm a 35-year-old professional wedding photographer, and in my estimate, 20 percent of my clients met on a dating service like Match.com, eHarmony, JDate, etc. It's not for everybody, but many people are happy with the services and find it successful. In fact, I'm getting married in November to a lovely woman whom I met on Match.com five years ago, so I admit some bias in this regard.
I understand Duncan's frustration, but I'd venture that all the accusations he makes of women on these sites can apply equally to the men, particularly the comments about judgments made based on profile pictures. Heck, I'm guilty of that, and I was a balding, overweight 30-something who probably should not have been so picky when I started using these sites.
Using these sites well does require one to have a good B.S. detector and to exercise due diligence, but it's not — from my experience — a wasteland of deception and fraud. At least not any more so than many traditional avenues of dating. The key, in my opinion, is not to waste too much time e-mailing back and forth, but to exchange a few initial e-mails and then meet in person to see if there's chemistry or not. There may be a lot of misses, but dating is not ordering off a menu. Go into it with no expectations and no pressure, and just see where it takes you.
That said, I can see how Internet dating may not work for a lot of people. It's just one way, among many, of meeting people, and if it's not working for you, perhaps more traditional methods like introductions from friends and family, hobby/volunteer/community groups, etc., might work better.
In the end, love is fickle, and I don't fault Duncan for his disappointment, although I'm afraid his experiences may be negatively affecting his perception of the women who use these sites, and perhaps some of that cynicism is bleeding into his communication with potential dates, which, in turn, spirals into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
PETER: I met my fiancee on JDate four years ago. Things progressed nicely from the day that we first met face to face. Everything just clicked, and we've been inseparable ever since. Not only is this woman a kind, loving, warm and compassionate person, but if you're alone with her for 30 minutes, she'll find a way to make you feel better about yourself.
HELEN: My son, a father of two, was 50 and divorced but not soured on marriage. He was looking for a wife. So, since everybody else was doing it, he tried an Internet dating site. He met a 50-year-old widow with two children who was looking for a husband. They dated for a year and then got married. They're still happily married today, nine years after their wedding in May 2002.
Have you tried Internet dating? Any luck? Send your tale to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my blog at www.talesfromthefront.com. Distribute by Creators Syndicate.
RICHARD A. CHAPMAN
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